There are some things in life that’s just common sense but nowadays common sense isn’t so common. For instance opening someone’s mail is a felony so then when you go through your spouse’s clothes while doing laundry well then that’s okay right? Or how about if their cell phone rings while they are not around, should you answer it? Can you go through his desk or his briefcase? How about her car or her underwear drawer? Or maybe even her purse? Are all those alright to go through?
I’ll be honest. I’ve been in a recent situation where I went through someone’s cell phone. Matter of fact, as I started doing it I was hoping to get a reaction out of him but he just sat there calm and cool, almost daring me to continue on with my behavior. That just challenged me to still go through his text messages. I wasn’t surprised as to what I saw : 80% of the text messages were from females. As I started to read his text messages one by one, some part of me was really surprised that he wasn’t “fighting” me to get his phone back. Either this man must really trust me or doesn’t have anything to hide. Truth is that both of those things applied. He was really alright with me going through his phone, as I kept stopping and pausing to ask him who each individual female was to him. He even let me go as far as reply to some of the girls who were texting him at that time . But eventually he took his phone back and once he did I stopped and stared at him for 2 seconds, thinking to myself, “If only you were my boyfriend.”
It’s funny I thought that in my head because as I relayed this story to 1 of my male friends, he told me had the guy been my boyfriend, he wouldn’t let me go through his phone the way I did. I asked him why and he told me because with a boyfriend, he might be a bit protective of you seeing some things in his phone that might cause a fight between the two of you. He was right because some part of me probably wouldn’t have been so “cool” going through his phone seeing all those females text him and not react. So where do we draw the line? What’s the difference between looking out of concern or looking just to be nosey and have something to pick at with your significant other? That’s up to you to decide as you continue to read on.
1) Know when curiosity turns into snooping
Honestly, are you looking for his keys, money, a piece of gum just because or is it because you want to use that as an excuse to search through your partner’s purse/coat/clothes, etc? Don’t get me wrong, they may have told you to go through it yourself because they don’t want to be bothered but in your head, you’re going to take it as an opportunity to get as much information as you can on this person in the little amount of time you’ve been given.This means that the person is comfortable enough with you to let you go through their things but no matter how much they trust you, I don’t think they would appreciate the idea of you snooping through their things. If you feel the need to snoop, RED FLAG. There’s a problem that either of you are not addressing. There’s a lack of trust within the relationship based just off of that. Maybe it’s warranted because of past issues. Maybe your partner did something in the past that put you in the position not to trust him/her. Unless you’re willing to communicate with your partner, it’s an issue that will not resolve on it’s own. The only way to get through it is to talk. Sit down with your partner and seriously discuss fears, trust, and reservations you have with them and why you feel that way.
2) Well it’s not really “snooping” if they’re somewhat aware
Okay so it has been established that you two have trust issues and hopefully you’re working it out. If that be the case then the issue now shifts to a matter of privacy. I can speak for myself and can tell you that I’m an extremely private person. Its not because I have anything to hide but I just dont understand why I feel the need to let the whole world know my personal issues. I have a friend who grew up in a big family. I believe there’s 7 children in all. Now with this individual I can understand that growing up there was a lack of privacy within his household so they would be alright if people went through his things without hesitation. But that’s different because that’s family. I would like to think that his future wife would not be in the position to abuse that because privacy is an important aspect of our selves. If you can’t trust your life partner to respect you, who can you trust?
3) You hit the jackpot so now what do you do?
For those who understand that your partner needs their space and privacy, you know that you wont be going through their things to want to find anything. But what if one day you accidentally come across something? A phone number in his jeans pocket or a questionable message from his ex girlfriend in his email or Facebook account? You can do 1 of 2 things. Your 1st option would be to confront this individual about what you found or leave it be in hopes that they will be honest enough with you to let you know what’s going on. Your 2nd option is to just “ignore” your findings and not bring it up. Maybe you’re making something out of nothing.But really, how long can you go without it nagging at you or constantly in the back of your mind? If you can ignore what you came across then kudos to you. But if you cant, now that’s when most people would go for option 1 immediately and its totally understandable. I mean why not? You’ve given this person enough respect towards their privacy not to go through their things and here they’ve broken your trust. However there is a “peaceful” way to go about confronting them. My advice is to talk, not yell, as calmly as you can talk to your partner about what you found. I mean there’s only 2 things they can do which is tell you the truth or deny it. Accidents happen and if your partner is understanding of that, they should not have any problems telling you the reason behind your findings. DON’T however jump to any conclusions because for all you know, it could really be nothing. Hopefully you’ll be able to get the truth whether it’s freely admitted or drawn from defensive reactions. But if your partner is a devious manipulating cheating liar, good luck with that.
I read this somewhere and I cant help but agree with the validity of it. “A jealous or curious woman does better research than the FBI.” This is true. I mean when America wanted to find Bin Laden all those years, all they shouldn’t done was let a” jealous” woman on the loose because you cannot stop a woman on a mission. If that mission so happens to be wanting some vital information on their significant other, trust me they will find it and I am speaking from experience. I admit I have gone through my partner’s things in the past. Even guys that were just friends, I’ve found some things just by being “curious.” Some of you would argue and think, how dare I? That means you don’t trust him but half the time I looked simply because I wanted to see how much he trusted me. I’m sort of contradicting myself right? Like why shouldn’t I trust him but he should trust me enough to go through his things? I see it like this. If you’re the type to be honest with your partner about your doings, in & outs, etc then they are truly committed to you. Besides I look at it like this, if the person truly wants to hide something from you, you think they would blatantly leave things out in the open for you to find? Plus remember that eventually things you try to hide will come to light one day so its better to live with a free conscious than wait for something to blow up later on in the future.
So lets get to talking. Do you feel that it’s right to go through your partner’s things? What are your thoughts on this? Please comment below.