Courtship and dating. If you heard these terms growing up, especially in the church, chances are you should already know what they mean. However majority of people do not know the full understanding of those words. As a “die-hard” Pentecostal young woman myself, I always heard, “Don’t fornicate” in my youth class and although I understood where the message was coming from, it always bothered me that no one was really taking their time out to make sure that we comprehended what that meant.
It was obvious that the message for some, was falling on deaf ears because as stated earlier, there was no true meaning and understand of what was being told to us. In doing my own research I happened to stumble across this earlier this morning. It felt as if I’d finally come across an epiphany about this subject. This epiphany has created a lot of clarity for me, which is why I felt the need to share it with you all.
But first things first. If you are a believer or someone who is waiting for someone to send you your “soulmate”, you have to recognize that if you two need to be on the same page. If you say you’re a Christian but he’s into drug dealing, cursing, etc and in some hopes you feel that by being with him, you can change him, then you need to let him go. So how do you know if you’re dating someone as opposed to courting them? Well :
- Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage.
- Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.
- Courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
- Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.
- Spends a ton of time alone which presents a ton of temptations.
- Family isn’t as involved.
- Foreplay, not going all the way, going all the way, “test driving each other”.
- No clear purpose– just a lot of conditional dating & confusion on “where is this relationship going??!)
- Plays house. Calls each other wifey & hubby & does husband & wife like things but has no commitment
- There’s still a option to date others, ya’ll aren’t totally sold & still “trying each other out”
It’s easier said than done when its on paper but with this being in your face, I propose this as a challenge to whoever that is reading this. Our generation has placed a lot of focus and emphasis on dating as opposed to courting when it comes to relationships. Courting, as opposed to dating, provides a lot of clarity when getting to know the other person. One is not caught up or tied emotionally to the other person and makes this a bit easier if there are signs that the relationship is not going anywhere.
Is it easy? No. But nothing worth having is never easy. So to anyone that is reading this wondering, “when is it going to be my turn? Where is my Adam?” Well, the next time you are presented a “him” or “her” try courting the person as opposed to dating them and see how far that takes you.