Some DO’s And DONT’s For The Pre-stages Of A Relationship.

Relationship. Webster dictionary defines it as the state of being related or interrelated1, the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a kinship2, a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings and finally,3 and finally a romantic or passionate attachment.4 Wow! So many definitions for a 12 letter word that a lot of people seem to get themselves in trouble with nowadays, especially with the number 4 definition, which is what I’m going to be talking about. Not so much talk about a relationship but the stage before it. Just like puberty, the getting to know a person part of a relationship is as awkward as a male having his voice crack as he attempts to make that transition from a boy to a man or a young woman receiving her monthly “gift” for the next 30 to 40 years of her life. Yes, that part.

It’s the “He/She is my boo” or the “We’re talking” stage or bottom line: the dating stage. And just like every anything that is in transition in life, there are some Do’s and Dont’s which so many people fail to pay attention to which results heartbreak in the end. I will do my best to acknowledge some of these Do’s and Dont’s but also if you have some you would like to add, please feel free to comment below as we can all learn from one another’s mistakes. To my men, I’ll try and take it easy on you as well because sometimes it’s just not your fault that things do not work out with that female you’ve constantly been admiring and wanting to make her yours.

DON’T come off as desperate: For the person who feels like you’re running out of time or feel pressured to be in a relationship, this is a big lesson for you. I cannot tell you the amount of females nowadays that due to the pressure of family or church feel that they’re getting old so they must find someone ASAP or they’re going to die or something. 2 words: SLOW DOWN. Nobody likes someone who is desperate. You cannot call, text, BBM, IM the individual back to back simultaneously or constantly seeking their attention to always hang out. Yes we know you’re “In like” of this person but you must remember that he/she had a life before you and had their life set before you so adding you into their schedule is all too new. Just like respect, you cannot demand their attention; it must be earned. See some of you didn’t catch it so I’ll repeat it again: you cannot demand their attention, it must be earned. One sure way to turn off your potential mate is to constantly want their attention which makes you look desperate in the end. As a matter of fact, 1 of the top comments I’ve heard a lot of my male friends say is that they will drop a female quick if she come off too clingy. So ladies and gentlemen, once again, you cannot demand their attention, it must be earned. Trust me, if the person enjoys your company, you don’t even have to go to them as much because they’ll be seeking your attention and ways to earn it instead.

DON’T be too honest: Now this is where I may lose some of you. I am an advocate of honesty in a relationship however sometimes there is a thing as being too honest. I mean for instance let’s say you meet a guy that you’re interested in. His actions has shown you that he’s interested in you. Somehow the conversation comes up one day on where you stand with him and he feeling as if he can be honest with you about anything makes the following statement: “Well you are in a race with another lady so I’m just watching to see who the winner will be classified as one of my best.” During the “getting to know you stage” statements like this should never be shared because they are likely to hurt the other party. In this scenario gentlemen, just know that you definitely may have just lost the female because in her mind she’s thinking there is no way she’s going to be “competing” or “fighting” over you. That may be what is happening since technically there is no title and both of you can technically see other people however you do not under any circumstance let her know that. Let it happen. She doesn’t need to know the details of your decision making. So please think before you speak because words can do some serious damage and once some things are said, it cannot be taken back. Just like when a female asks you if she’s gained weight, some things are better not commented on.

DO express your interest: This can come in various forms but in this case, honesty is the best policy. Let the other party know from the start that there are some underlying feelings for them and you would like to explore the option of getting to know them better. How you do it solely depends on the individual. Some have written poems, or by wanting to get your attention by trying to fit you into their schedule (being subtle of course.) But here is where someone may argue, “Well what if the person is oblivious?” In that case, you should up your subtlety a bit more. Flirt more, smile more, do more but don’t do it in a way it can come off as Don’t #1: being too desperate. Ladies, this DO is a bit gray area for us as well. I’ve grown up being taught that you never tell a man that you like him or chase after him. Up till today I firmly believe that yes, a female should not be under any circumstance be the one pursing however in this modern day and age, we have females even proposing to men. That’s a huge risk to take upon yourself so if you feel that you are ready to handle that rejection when he tells you he sees you nothing more than a friend/acquaintance then hey more power to you. However as I stated earlier, slow down (Don’t #1), zip it (Don’t #2) and just learn how to do something extra special to catch his attention without verbally coming out and say “Hey, let’s be together.”

DO look out for their interests and find interest in it also: Believe me, there is nothing more attractive in a man than someone who will find out that I love to read and I come to find out they do too. Because with that, they’ve definitely earned them some brownie points. This however has to come from a sincere place. You cannot find out the person loves sports and just because you want to impress them, you are all a sudden the number 1 cheerleader for their favorite team. Be you. If you do find out what their favorite team is or favorite store is, you can impress them by sitting with them one day and just letting them talk everything out about how their teams went onto the national championships 5 times in a row or let them know that you’ve heard their favorite store is having a sale and offer to get them something or accompany them. Trust me the excitement of their interest will be so great, you’ll catch onto it too and who knows? Maybe you find yourself developing an interest in it as well.

DO keep God in your relationship: I should’ve made this my number 1 DO however I decided to save the best for last. Proverbs 3: 6 states that ‘’in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” This certainly holds true especially for this DO. You might think that this individual you’re getting to know may be “the one” however he/she may be “the one” leading you to who you’re meant to be with. But how would you know that if you don’t commit the person before God? As you pray for yourself daily, pray for the other individual too. Bring that person before God and let Him know this is who you’re interested in walking with so may He have a hand in everything that happens between the two of you. If it ends up blossoming from the getting to know you stage to something more, you’ll see God’s handiwork in it. If it doesn’t however you’ll see God’s handiwork in it also. Remember God loves us more than we’ll ever know but sometimes who we think may be right for us can end up being the one that does the most damage to us. So make sure you commit this path or exploration you’re wanting to go on and trust me God will never fail you.

As I said earlier, these are just some tips I feel will help someone and if I have done anything to help you take something from what you have read, I’m glad. There are a million and one DO’s and DONT’s people have before establishing a relationship and ultimately if you find that some of your DO’s or DONT’s have been working for you, keep it up. But if there are some things you would like to change, why not give some of these tips a shot and see what happens? Who knows? You might find yourself with your soulmate at the end of it all. All we ask at Newspitter is to just send us an invitation to the wedding alright?

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