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The Real Reason People Want An Open Relationship.

It is still very difficult for me to wrap my mind around having an open relationship, but at times I find myself conflicted, let me explain why. When you ask those that are, or have been, in an open relationship they always give the same explanation.

An open relationship is a committed relationship when both partners agree to have physical and/or emotional relations with others. But isn’t a committed relationship supposed to consist of exclusivity and monogamy? However, each relationship is different. Two people should be allowed to design their relationship to how they see fit.

In the end it’s all about you and your partner’s happiness, right? Is it really impossible for some to just have one person fulfill all their needs? Who has one of anything nowadays? I remember when people were ecstatic to have one house, one car or one cell phone. Now people have two or three of everything. Are we just that greedy? Is one really just a lonely number? Why isn’t one of anything good enough? I think we live in a time where greed is so widely accepted we create these terms like polyamorous relationships.

Honestly, and this is just my opinion, an open relationship is both partners choosing to give in to their greed and lust. They don’t want to give up one another and they want to see other people. Period. But I can’t be bias when it comes to this topic because it is such a touchy subject. So let’s move forward. I also think there is something wonderful about two people who are in love that can be mature enough to discuss something like this. I’ll be honest if my partner ever came to me wanting an open relationship let’s just say I’m not mature enough to handle it.

As a female, let me say a sometimes insecure female, I would feel like I wasn’t good enough or I was doing something wrong for him to want to see other people. Maybe I’m just not mature enough to handle an open relationship but I do applaud those who are strong enough to endure their partner sleeping with other people. If you feel secure enough in your partner and your relationship to have an open relationship then that’s great, at the end of the day it’s about whatever makes you and your partner happy.

Your relationship. Your rules. Maybe I’m old fashion or just selfish. I want it to be me and the person that I’m in love with, that’s all. It’s hard enough dealing with temptation and trusting your partner to stay committed to you. I can’t imagine my partner sleeping with other people but still thinking that what we have is special so he’ll always come home to me.

Not to sound blunt or harsh but did you ever stop to think that you are both wrong and delusional or just plain greedy. What if someone comes along and they have a stronger connection? You only have yourself to blame because you allowed your partner to venture off to be with another person.

What if one wants to end the open relationship and go back to just being faithful to one another? Is that even possible? I can go on with the “what ifs” all day. At the end of this it’s still your relationship and your rules. Good luck. You’re going to need it.

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About Jessica L. Murray

  • Lynn

    I consider my self old fashioned. Even though I respect others and their opinions, I do not understand why there is a such thing called “Open Relationship”. Its either you want to be with that person or you are just getting sexually pleased when ever with that person, “Booty Call”. However, I also believe that where once was so much freedom and you have let the disrepect occur its very hard to have a healthy respectful and loyal relationship with the same person. Where I start a relationship is how I want it to stay. Respect, trust, communicate and love.

    • http://twitter.com/disgurljess jessica murray

      When I think of an open relationship I also think it’s one person caving because they don’t want to lose the person their in love with. I couldn’t agree with your comment more! “Respect, trust and communicate”!

  • John

    There’s a lot of psychological bending and word twisting that those in open relationships or those who vouch for such a relationship use. It’s despicable to me, and I really don’t care if I’m being judgmental. Why? Because it’s true. Hear me out.

    There was one discussion where a young man, and I presume he’s at least one year younger than his girlfriend, was in a situation where his gf wanted an open relationship since she was going to college. Reason being is that 1) she wanted to “experience” the world and 2) that she felt tied down to him, the boyfriend. Now, someone wrote a comment that he was practicing self-love (he was focusing on how he felt and not on her own feelings) instead of true love, and that if he truly loved he that he would give her whatever she wanted even if it meant him getting hurt in the process. The poster also added that it was her body, and that she could do whatever she wants with it – which is true. If he consented to this new lifestyle, the poster’s logic that responded to him, he would be practicing true love.

    Now, the entire situation to me sounds like being a doormat. I understand that people find other people attractive when in a closed relationship, but it always appeared to me that something was drastically missing if someone wanted an open relationship. I’ve heard almost every reason for having one, and the only reason that I found convincing was that if the other half was incapable of sexually pleasing the other due to a major physical handicap.

    I’ve graduated from college and now have a decent paying job, and the more I read (The Great Books) and the more I spend time alone with my thoughts, the more I see myself becoming *a much hated word in America* conservative in SOME ways, this topic being one of them. In college I was a bleeding heart liberal, ate the “free your mind” and “don’t let society bring you down” diet, but since then  I’ve grown humble, and the values that most of my college peers look down upon I seem to relish in. I see beauty in being “normal”, in the everyday struggles of the 9-5 cubic employee, in the monotonous that comes with being with one person romantically & sexually. Of course it won’t be perfect (and if it was perfect it would boring), and I think I have the maturity to discuss an open relationship with my significant other, but that DOES NOT mean I will consent. Discussion is one thing, acting and agreeing is another.

    In the end, it’s very funny and it’s sad on how humans will try to rationalize anything. And the excuse “we’re humans, we’re part animals” seems like the weakest excuse a person can make. Yes, we are animals, but the thing that separates us from animals is that we have a conscious. We can make choices and we can become aware.

    Old fashioned to me is refreshing. It is liberating. It is empowering. It is classic.

    • Jessica L Murray

      “Old fashioned to me is refreshing. It is liberating. It is empowering. It is classic.” I love your comment John! Thanks for reading the article. You are very right, something is drastically missing if either partner wants an open relationship. The psychological bending and word twisting is only their way of rationalizing something that they do know is wrong. I wish someone in an open relationship would just admit either, A. I’m selfish or B. My partner is selfish and I don’t have the courage to move on. However, a major physical handicap I would understand but would be hard for me as well. But that is another story based on different circumstances. I have to end this with you quote again because I love it so much. “Old fashioned to me is refreshing. It is liberating. It is empowering. It is classic.” Thanks again for reading John!

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